i coughed...

and i coughed...

and i sat by the toilet bowl for 20 minutes. because it was so bad i could feel stuff in my tummy threatening to exit thru my mouth. which it eventually did.

i felt so tired and shaken. tears strolling down my cheeks. my hands were trembling, i looked like a wreck. the aftermath of my terrible cough.

and i'm still coughing like mad.

annabelle just told me a piece of shocking news. a good friend of ours is getting married, and no we are not invited. no again, we weren't even informed. so we are guessing...since its such a rush...it must be you noe...you noe...

cny is nearing. sis and i haven gotten our clothes. haha...the older we get, the more bo chup we get too. my sis says she would most probably go naked and asked me to join her. i very kindly rejected her and said i would rot at home instead.

really, i just feel like lazing home this year. the once in a year festival where everyone is so hypocritical simply turns me off.

i'm guilty too, for that fake smile i used to brush ppl off nicely.

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coincidence or not, i dunno.

i was browsning thru alan's arhcives and i re-read that entry of us with boey's hammy at sembawang mac. that entry had a link to my previous post. and when i clicked on that link, and scrolled thru every entry, i came upon the love declaration we wrote for each other a couple of months back. (not alan and me please. its myboy and me.)

not only that, there was the entry bout how i didnt choose to trust him the other time too. thats regarding the same girl involved.

and suddenly i felt the fuss i kicked up, was really uncalled for. maybe i'm too used to it, that i forgotten how strongly i feel for this guy. until things happen, then i chose to retreat once again for fear of getting hurt. i just didn't want to get hurt by the one i love so much and end up hating him...maybe that explains why he always feels i build a wall between us whenever things like these happens.

darling, i'm sorry. i was selfishly safeguarding my heart, that i broke urs in the process. forgive me for my foolishness. forgive me for not believing in our love, the way u do.

the last thing i would ever wanna do, is to stop loving you.

to xiangting, i can't really say "hey i understand how u feel now" and stuff. but as a female too, i roughly noe how u are feeling. please pardon me for being selfish. i noe i'm being unreasonable by expecting him to erase u from his memories. its all up to him whether or not he can do it. i'm not gonna embrace ur words and believe in you. but i'm gonna believe and trust ezu, cause he once again proved to me, he's worth it.

if it weren't for me, ezu said he would still choose you. i dunno if u see me as an intruder or the one who snatched him away. but if u do, i'm sorry for causing u any pain in this sense as well.

to xiao an, thankew for ur love all this while. little pampering and encouraging from u time and again makes me feel more loved than before. and whenever i'm upset, u will be there talking to me. i may not say it, but i really appreciate it. -hugs- i love you so much too...