i'm resisting sleep again.
and i'm tired.
i think i got a bian tai mind.
an ex-classmate from primary sch just sent me a msg via friendster(the place where u suddenly discover singapore is freaking small and everyone is related in one way or another). his msg carried this text:
hi, old friend of mine, care to add me? if u dun remember me, i'm this fat guy from cbps who stepped and broke ur file in pri2.errr......i vaguely remember it though...but i remembered the part where he was really apologetic. he said sorry profusely as though it was some diamond plated white gold file. nice since young, so i assume he is still a gentleman now?
haha laugh! -pokes myself in the ribs-
okie i'm so bored i'm blogging here again.
been blog-whoring these days too. came across really interesting sites. they provided late night entertainment. no RA contents lah...but reading on wat happened in their lives, it kept me occupied and accompanied me on sleepness nights.
and i noticed some sort of trend.
for
guys, most of them are either working, or working. quite surprising that they are able to shelf out time to blog consistently despite their busy schedule. okie i am assuming they are good workers and shd be busy with work. and they are always complaining bout their low pay, whether or not to get a car, or how fucked up army life is(who can argue with this?!).
for
ladies, no matter wat age they are, it always bout their love life. seems like we are forever plagued with such headaches. we fall victims to the vicious word called
"love", where u once think everything was sweet and with love, everything is possible. only to finally wake up and find it was all a mistake, a nightmare, and its hell probation to recovery thereafter.
ever had ur partner falling in love with another person and keeping u in the dark?
ever had ur partner falling in love with another person and she happens to be ur friend? and he kept u in the dark as well?
ever having gone away for a couple of days to realised ur partner no longer loves u and u alone?
ever had a partner who was with u for the sake of being in a relationship?
ever had ur partner spending so much time with someone else of the opposite sex and eventually falling in love with them and all the while u had faith in him/her and trusted him/her?
ever had someone two timing you?
ever had ur partner break up with you eventually and telling u the feeling has faded long ago and he/she is simply hanging on for the sake of it?
this is the list that doesnt ends, and it goes on and on my friend. some ppl, started singing without knowing wat it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because...
though not every single point on the list happened to me, the though of it is so dreadful.
i read a couple of sad entries so far, and with vday getting nearer, i really feel so sorry for these heart broken girls.
sorry not as in
"haha u pathetic fools who has no dates and no lovers to celebrate with! i feel so sorry for u losers!", but as in real heartfelt feelings for those wallowing in pain from previous relationships, for those unable to stand up on their feet again after being shattered completely, for those being afriad to love again, for those who really wanted to spend vday with the one who supposedly love them but unable to do so now.
vday taunts ppl like them.
but, love is like a necessary evil.
eventually, ppl succumb to it, and get hurt, and they fall, and get hurt, and ........it goes on and on...
i think the day we can escape from love's clutches, is the day we shave our heads and be nuns and monks.
fang xia tu dao, li di cheng fouokie that was to cheer the pessimisstics and the heartbroken ones.
i've seen too many broken marriages and failed relationships. the images are discouraging, the impact isnt healthy. its not a matter of love and faith anymore, its a matter bout making things work.
face it, we rather be told of our partners' true feelings, instead of them putting up an act, pretending to love us, tolerating with it, and trying hard to fall in love with us during the how many months/years of being together. think of the betrayal and pain and injustice. ouch, its something i wouldn't wish or want it to happen on me.
but, its wishful thinking on my part, because there are simply things you can't control. when u trust somebody too much, only to find out that person had misused ur trust, wat will u do?
i believe, you would have this wall built around ur heart, and its gonna be hard to penetrate, no matter for that person who hurt you or to anyone new in ur life. because u were once hurt.
wo de xin zhen de shou shang le....its quite true in my case, and i would never ever give that person another chance to hurt me, even if i still love him, even if my heart is telling me to give in. maybe its the pride in me...or maybe its something else.
its always too late to regret. which is why, i personally dun like this song:
if i could turn, turn back the hands of time...if it was so easy, ppl wouldnt be suffering. total bullshit. surely there would be times when u feel this way, when u feel the need to turn back time to rectify ur mistakes.
IMPOSSIBLE!!!!*sidetrack a little, my sis is sleeping on my bed. she just turned to her right side to face me, sleeping of coz. but i wonder...why is her hand caressing my leg? sicko sister.20 years ago, if u asked a woman wat she feels is the most important in her life, she would have most probably said
"a loving husband, a caring daddy to the kids, and a happy family."today, the typical answer would probably be
"a good job that pays well, leading a fulfilled life and obtaining watever i wan in life."noticed that men and love are no longer mentioned? all along i had the mentality of the former, but circumstances and reality made me realised, its time to take into consideration the latter too. love would no longer keep you alive. love could no longer last. love might no longer be eternal.
and sometimes, the higher u raised ur hopes, the harder u fall, and the harder to get well.
blah! i think i am just a coward. boo!
damn, my throat is really hurting by now. its time for some sleep, and allow my mind not to wander off aimlessly. i really am bian tai.