Not feeling that good...I laid sprawled on my bed, dozing off at around 9.30pm. it took lotsa determination to wake up to pee 30 mins later as well as to switch off the lights. and then i went back to bed and had a light sleep...very very light...i could almost sense my surroundings. until zhao jian called me to ask some questions on tax. and now is when i'm officially awake.
I'm getting the giddy spells as i'm typing away. i feel both hot and cold. the flu and fever bug seems to be setting in. already, my nose is blocked. my throat hurts. and my headache is very faithful...from morning till now you noe...
the suniton tablets lying on my desk is tempting me. its a super strong muscle-relaxant with drowsiness effect. its confirm knock out after taking it...and i dun really feel like being so dependent on it. but it looks like i am going to have to take it. the pain is killing me.
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Actually blogged the above entry 30mins ago...and i came across mel's blog.
"I told her that we're never going to be able to forget about those who once used to occupy our hearts because the memories will always live in us. but really, people if you haven't gotten over someone who you used to love so much, never ever rush or step into another relationship out of emotional fulfillment; to have someone there for you, to love you and to care for you cause as soon as you start to realise all that, you're probably just putting yourself in a worse position than before." i realised, reading wats happening to others, and reading their thoughts and reflections makes me think bout my own situation. it might not be the same problems. it might not even have the slightest connection. but somehow, i'm just shook by it.
we're never going to be able to forget bout those who once used to occupy our hearts becoz the memories will always live in us. how true is that? how many of u can forget bout ur first love? or rather someone u once loved? there's a difference between really putting the love you once had down, and choosing to ignore it and placing it aside. and when u feel that you could not erase these memories, do not expect the same from ur partner. everyone is
"entitled" to these memories somehow. as long as you know where to draw the line...as long as you know wat u are doing, who you are loving now, who matters most to you... don't end up hurting someone you have no intention to...the guilt will stay in you...and chances are, if that someone was once dear to you, you'll be hurting too.
you never know when u're gonna recover from this emotional pain...simple words, songs, places, items could just spark old memories, making you reminisce(i noe this looks funny...but the spelling is something like that) bout the past all over again. if this brings a smile on ur face, you are lucky to have and only remember happy events. if it saddens you, makes you tear and affects your loved ones around you, somehow i feel...there's more to meet the eye. you're not totally over...your heart hasn't stop loving or thinking bout that person...and why do we act all fine and chirpy?
we are all liars.
we lie to friends who are concerned. we lie to our partners. we lie to our own hearts. we lie to ourselves. becoz that's the only way to make both parties feel better. to allow you to move on without looking back anymore. to give you the courage to accept someone new and try to be happy.
And in wat positions are we in, to decide wat's best for our partners and whether or not the decisions we make will benefit them and make them happy?
as i continue typing...i just feel that sometimes we are just so selfish. how many ppl have you hurt in order to protect ur personal interest? how many times were there when you guys said something you hadnt meant but just for the sake of it? why are relationships always so complicating?
I love you...oh yes I do...yi zhi dou bu fang qi...zhe ai ni de quan li...myboy once said...if you choose to embrace the love, then it will stay and last forever. if not, the feelings will just fade with time. -yawnz- i'm losing myself le...incoherence...
missing you dear..-huggies-
goodnite all..
