have shifted.

http://lurvedevil.wordpress.com/

seeya :)

Its been a cold, cold, cold, cold night, tonight
And I cant get you off of my mind
God knows Ive tried
Did I throw away the best part of my life
When I cut you off
Did I cut myself with the same damn knife
Hide my tears in the pouring rain
Had my share of hurt and pain
Dont say my name, run away, cause its all in vain

Go on, get on with your life
Yeah - Ill get on with mine
Broken hearts cant call the cops
Yeah - its a perfect crime
Twisting and turning the night keeps me yearning
Im burning alive
Im paying the price again

But Ill see the light again
My hearts breaking even, now theres no use we even try
Hey I cried, yeah I lied, hell I almost died
Dont got a reason
Lets just fold the cards and say good-bye
Its all right, just two hearts breaking even tonight

don't you hate it when u have to wake up in the middle of the night just to pee? well, i do. cause i did this routine for the past couple of nights, interupting my sleep only to make me groggy the next morning.

and it sucks esp when u are sick and feeling all vulnerable and the weather is just terribly hot. at times i feel so much like a husky, i'll simply die if left in heat.

i had an overdose of cough syrup last night. being the usual lazy girl, i drank directly from the mouth of the bottle.

first sip: 7ml. -aiya not enough-

second sip: -uh oh...- another 7ml.

which explained why i was so immuned to my alarm ringing in the morning. i felt so distant when my hp rang...as though i was far away...and it took much ringing and effort to wakie. freaky...

the cough is acting up. with plehgm and more frequent coughs. time to stop taking cold drinks to quench my thirst and soothe the hot weather.

hmm....it nearly slipped my mind to blog this...on sunday when i woke to have breakfast, my sis told me "mommie says she's gonna matchmake u". i was like "huh? she really can't wait to marry me off meh?"

its so unlike my mom to just do that. its so highly impossible that its making me freak out that she had had that thought!!!!! so sudden...and i'm still blardy young lor!

then whilst we were watching tv, she suddenly asked our opinion bout matchmaking one of my dad's side relative with her sister. i couldn't believe my ears. what is my mom thinking of?! the two of them are so different is sooooo many different ways, its fucking hard to believe my mom could actually say they could make a couple. and this time, she's only the accomplice. daddy's the mastermind.

someone help. i think my parents are like going insane.

i tot it was just a drizzle.

but it turned disastrous. was already coughing on sunday night. mommie heard it and asked bout it when i told her to get me some cough mixture this evening. sighs....i dun like coughing...but this stupid dry cough is gonna last lor! i just know it de!!!

off to take my medicine...i hope it makes me sleep. dun wanna listen to belle's weird theories at 1am tonight!!!

You know how it is to supress everything inside, and just when you thought you had succeeded in doing it, you were proven wrong.

Perhaps reading that entry was a mistake. it opened up the whole drawer of memories and emotions. and confused me of what my heart is telling me whilst executing what my head is commanding.

Seriously, i didn't know what was that for. Was it a test of reactions or is it because you still care?

It took me months to convince myself i've gotten over with it. and it took me a couple more to actually hardened whatever i've left inside of me to be still standing cheery today. i dun care if i lied to myself and i dunno why you had to do it to me. I can't bring myself to ask, to question, or even show that i bother. cause i know i will falter. i will be walking in circles, not knowing the truth and continue wallowing in my own misery. I was no longer entitled all the misses and the longing, because it had been put to a stop. Do you know how it feels, to speculate, only to conclude things that could forever only be mere speculations?

Wouldn't a girl want to know the truth? what happened? who doesn't? I'm sorry but thats just too unlikely of me. I have given you the trust that every decision you made is right, for you, for me, for us. Hence i didnt probe. There were just so many times i wanted to, but i stopped myself. i just had to save myself the remaining pride that i have left, to make looking back not as painful as it should be. I have a passive character. its in me. Whatever that is expect of a girl, of me, I can't deliver. Its not that i'm unwilling to. i just can't do it. I hope you will realise how hard it is, for me to be sitting here and typing this out tonight. I dun want to continue living this lie. i want to be able to reread that post over and over again and not feel disturbed by it.

I've loved. I've cared. I've missed. I still do. I've been telling myself to supressed it until i saw unfair accusations. if i dont care, then have you? in the first place, did you? i dunno how much you can make out of my incoherent writing, even i dunno wat i am writting anymore....

Work has been slow and fine beginning this week. I get free lunch treats and i get to leave on the dot. The culture over at CPChem is different from the media industry in the sense that its more corporate and serious, whilst the later is slightly less formal. perhaps it has gotta do with the ppl working there too, they are afterall an "ageing population" cause most of them have basically slogged away their youth in this particular company.

Its never easy i guess, meeting new ppl, getting aquainted all over again, adapting to the company's culture, and following the work styles and flows. Somehow i wish it would all work out..

sidenote: no msn in office? i feel as though a part of me has been taken away!

had initially wanted to shut down this blogspot coz it refused to post when i attempt to upload any pics or collages. i had wondered was it my lappy, my connection or blogger. now then my lappy is brand new once again (sobs....dun even ask!), perhaps i shd try to upload again to see see test test. and thats provided i get some pics into my com first. (sobs again...)

maybe it deserves another chance. :)

night night all...i hope its not gonna be another sleepness night....

sighs...i'm getting boring eh? old liao old liao...