Boey left a bottle of meiji fresh milk at my house on christmas eve when she visited me.

3 days later, i open the bottle cap, wanting to drink it. i guessed it must be angry at me for neglecting it for too long. coz the cap was so tight, then it gave a loud "pop" when i finally POP it open, and cold milk was splashed onto my face and hair and clothes.

sighs, wat a way to end my day. or should i say begin my day with?

and it happened at 2 am...i'm beginning to hate the number 2.

just like how i happened to live on the second level for the past 14 years of my life and how people could easily life their heads and glance into my house from the void deck or carpark.

just like how u know u could have gotten 1st but you lost on just that few points/seconds/whatever that determines you are 2nd.

just like if you happened to be the second child and get neglected because theres three kids in ur family.

just like how u might be someone's 2nd love and could never replace his/her 1st.

just like how u could have two equally important persons dating u on the same day at the same time and u dunno which to accept.

just like no matter how many good friends you have, you know there's only one best friend you have...no 2 of them...

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i can't sleep.

i'm not going kl. everybody has been discouraging me to go, so i've decided not to go. i'm not really upset bout not being able to go. i'm upset with myself being upset with you.

i could remember ur words..."you think i dun care bout you...you are stubborn!" and somewhere along the line, you mentioned something like "i can't understand you"

and i wondered, what made me so persistent in the first place. whatever made me so determined isn't important anymore.

what i can't understand now is, why am i being so cold to you? why is it we can't seem to understand each other.

is it ur words...or is it me? i'm finding it harder to understand myself, to understand the rationale behind wat i am doing or saying. to put it shortly, i just can't understand WHY.

the surge of excitement replaced with sudden anger.

and then regrets.

i feel so helpless, really.